So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
