butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
