its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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