I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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