I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
