fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize