i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
