Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
