You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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