hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
