I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
