I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
