My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize