But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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