3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
as a side note pls kill me
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