at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
