my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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