Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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