oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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