On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
