i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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