you guys were way drunker than both of me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize