textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
