So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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