apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
