I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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