I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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