You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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