He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
