remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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