Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
