I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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