so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
