sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize