Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
