Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
