In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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