another moral hangover. fuck.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
