youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
