He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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