Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
