yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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