I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
