every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
