How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
