I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
