I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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