Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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