he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
