I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
