If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
