dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Alive.
So much puke
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize