I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
