Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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