I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
