I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
