Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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