i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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