singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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