Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
