1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
