Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
