I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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