I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
