I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
These tits shall not be calmed
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