and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
