I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
