Define "chronic" masturbator.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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