I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
