It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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