i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
