Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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