i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
