found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
