she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
