i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
