APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
