My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bring me that man meat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize