Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
