Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
