the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
