So drunk its hurt
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the liver wants what the liver wants
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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