You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
