I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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