We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
