Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize