I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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