i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
