What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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