it was like his penis was on wheels.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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