I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
