They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
