He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
