You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
