He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize