i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
