so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
