I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
